Hot oil burns

Last night was not a triumphant night in the kitchen. In fact, it was a pretty dismal, depressing, sit-down-and-cry kind of night in the kitchen. With no real dinner, to boot. It was the perfect storm of a recipe that takes lots of effort to prepare and an utter, total failure of that recipe, which then left us without the *main* part of the main dish.

It was probably a bad omen that Huevos Rancheros was actually what was on the menu for the night, but then I realized that I had no diced tomatoes and about 6 other ingredients required for making that recipe. So, there was a rushed flurry of recipe substitution and falafel came to the top of the menu. I first learned about falafel while in Israel when I was 16 and the flavor can instantly send me back to the bustling marketplaces of Jerusalem. It's such a delicious dish, a brilliant mixture of humble chickpeas, coriander and cumin (which is easily my most favorite spice) fried into crispy little patties, and stuffed into pita breads with hummus, tzatsiki, lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers - or whatever else you'd like to stuff in. Delicious. My mouth waters just thinking about it. However - because of all the things that you are stuffing in that pita bread, this recipe requires a lot of preparation. First of all, I like to make my pita bread fresh because, well, there just is no comparison to warm pita bread straight from the oven. Then, I had to make the hummus because, well, I wanted to. So there. Then the tzatsiki sauce, and finally the falafel patties. A whole darn lot of assembly is required.

And not to mention, last night was ANTM, so my attention was completely diverted from the kitchen until 9:00, so it was kind of a late start to the dinner anyways. There was a general feeling of being hurried and harried - which never bodes well in the kitchen.

After finally making the pita breads, the hummus and the tzatsiki, it was time to fry up the falafel and then EAT! YAY! Tiny, slight, problem. I placed the falafel patties in the hot oil to fry and the bottoms browned up very nicely. Then I went to flip them, and I have no idea what went wrong, but they completely disintegrated in the pan. Every single piece of pureed chickpea went in its own direction, filling the hot oil with millions of pieces of falafel patty. Now, granted, I was trying out a new falafel recipe last night, after I realized that I gave away my vegetarian cookbook that had my original recipe in it. BIG MISTAKE, I now realize. WHY did I NOT copy down that recipe?? But, there are not that many variations on making falafel - I figured the new, substitute recipe was safe. It looked pretty much the same as my original. Apparently not.

So, here I am with a hot skillet full of falafel mush and vegetable oil. What to do? Well, if at first you don't succeed, add more flour and try again. I added quite a bit more flour, hoping that it would make the mixture more firm, and I fired up a new skillet full of oil. I put new patties in, and let them sit, bubbling, in the oil for quite a while. When they looked thoroughly blackened (I figured that if they were burned together, they couldn't fall apart), I went to turn them. I flipped with a little too much enthusiasm for a skillet full of hot oil, and the falafel splashed back into the skillet, sending a wave of hot oil over my index finger. OW!!!!!!!! It's like the universe was trying to tell me that I should have just stopped with the first batch - that was my message. Since I didn't listen to that gentle hint, the universe decided to take it to the next level. Burning hot oil does not feel good on human flesh, let me tell you. And it really dampened my spirits about the whole undertaking. Neil kindly flipped the second patty and they both finished cooking, totally scalded/blackened on one side, and full of oil.

We finished up the last few patties and put them on a plate to cool. 10 minutes later, they were still hot, and just absolutely dripping with oil. After all the trouble, they were just too unappealing to consider eating. Since the patties are sort of the main part of the entire meal, that put quite a damper on dinner. I loaded up a pita with everything but the falafel and sat down to eat with that pit of failure sitting in my stomach. All that work - pita baking, hummus and tzatsiki making, lettuce and tomato chopping - to feature the main star of the meal, and the star did not show up. It was still good - it's hard to sniff at fresh pita bread - but with expectations so high, overall the evening was a bust. I climbed into bed still a little bit hungry. And this morning, I have a track of burned-on oil splash marks up my finger to remember the disaster by. I guess you can't win them all.