Rookie Mistake

Today I made a totally embarrassing rookie mistake on the bus.

Let me preface my story by giving you two VERY important tips about bus-riding if you are ever in San Francisco.

1. Hang on for dear life the SECOND you step onto the bus. I must stress that you should immediately grab onto the railing, the strap, another person, whatever. San Francisco bus drivers are either heavy on the gas, heavy on the brake, or both. Which means that if you are not holding onto something when they start or stop moving, you are going to fly around the inside of the bus, stumbling into other riders, falling into their laps, or just generally embarrassing yourself. (hint: spoiler about the ending of this story). You see tourists with this problem all the time. I feel like this is a purely San Francisco phenomenon - I don't remember needing to hold on for dear life while riding buses in either Seattle or Portland. But that could be because there were usually seats available, whereas here there are rarely seats available.

2. People HATE to move to the back of the bus for some reason. Which isn't a big deal until the bus starts to get crowded, then you have a HUGE plug of people at the front of the bus, and tons of space near the back. Most people like to stop right at the back door, which causes the plug at the front. Which, in a way, I can kind of understand, because when the bus gets super crowded and you are stuck at the very back, it's nearly impossible to fight your way to the front to get off at your stop in the 10 seconds the driver pauses to let you off. BUT, if you board the bus while there is still room to fight to the back - DO IT! You are much more likely to get some breathing room. If you get on while the plug has already formed, you're kind of SOL. Although I've seen people manage to somehow plow through the swarm of people and get back there.

So, unfortunately today, these two tips sort of got a little entangled for me. I got on the 5, heading downtown and immediately grabbed for the bar to hang onto (there are never seats on the 5 available until much later in the trip). It was relatively uncrowded and as we screamed away from my stop (the driver was a both hard-on-the-gas/hard-on-the-brake type) I noticed that there was plenty of room in the back of the bus. We screeched to a stop at a stop light and after recovering from the whiplash, I started to make my move to the back. Rookie mistake. Don't make ANY moves until you are sure that the bus will be stationary for enough time for you to get where you are headed, which I now realize means waiting until the bus has stopped to let people on. This guarantees you some time to move. I got too anxious, and I jumped the gun and I paid for it. A second after I started moving to the back (I had to let go of the rail to get around a few people), the light turned green, the driver STOMPED on the gas, and I went pitching into both a man and a woman headfirst, nearly bowling them over. With the velocity of the bus hurtling forward, I couldn't right myself right immediately, and ended up hanging onto the guy's shoulder for a few seconds longer than is really appropriate, and, mumbling "sorry" after "sorry", I finally stumbled into the place I was heading for and grabbed safely onto the rail, trying to ignore the numerous stink-eyes I was receiving from all directions. Oh, the shame. I'm a seasoned San Francisco bus-rider, I know the ropes, I know the tricks, I know the rules - how, oh how, could I make such a rookie mistake?

The only salve for my bleeding ego was that one stop later, a woman sitting in a seat right where I had moved to got up to get off, and I was in the perfect position to take over her seat. Was the shame of the stumble worth the comfort of the seat? I think the guy that I man-handled would answer, "No".